So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
