This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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