getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
