Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
