I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
