the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
