so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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