My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
