People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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