what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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