my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
