Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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