so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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