yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
