She is in my trunk
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
