it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
