A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
