dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
