Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
