btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I met the friendliest cop last night
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
