Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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