Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
