dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't deserve a penis
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize