were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
