doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
