So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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