this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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