Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
