I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
