Whod you bang
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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