Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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