He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.