You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again