just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.