I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
