It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
