and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
