do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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