no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
