True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
