Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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