maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
