I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
