Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
