Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
