I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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