The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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