at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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