I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
