Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
