you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
