i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
