but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
