so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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