I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
