you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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