so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize