respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
