I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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