Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
