I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
