made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
In America we eat man semen.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
