So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There are leaves in my underwear?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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