I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
