I was born with a shot glass in my hand
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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