Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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