Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wear drunk well.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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