i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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