I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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