Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
