I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
