your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
