does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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