Betty ford says i'm here all night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
