This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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