maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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