Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
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My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
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Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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