Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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