I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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